A Speck of Dust: The Journey of Self-acceptance

Do you see that dot? That’s you. Yes, you. A speck of dust in the vast cosmos.
Most of us millennials think that we are either extremely extraordinary or extremely worthless. Why? Because that’s how we have been brought up. Since childhood we are taught to achieve ‘something’ in life. Get good grades. Study abroad on a scholarship. Get a degree that lands you a good job. And if you don’t get it easily you would are amazed. Surprised, because you thought you spent thousands on your degree it should automatically land you in a top position. And when you don’t achieve it, you drown yourself in a pool of misery. Because you thought you were extraordinary.
You keep swimming in this pool of misery. Nobody tells you that you are just like a million others. Even your own parents.
Let me burst that bubble of yours that you have been living in. You have the same problems that others have. Big or small. Complicated or less complicated but the problems are there.
You are never told that you are a speck of dust in this whole universe and if you fail at something it is not the end of the world.
Why are people of our age these days have psychological problems? Because we have been watching too many posts on social media of people through their filtered apps. When we are already feeling insecure we are bombarded with the exaggerated achievements of others on social media that make us question our existence.
Life doesn’t work the way you want it to work out. Nor does anyone owe you anything. I have a friend who always talked about how the universe doesn’t owe us anything. How the consequences are a mere reflection of our own actions. And it would be stupid to blame others if something goes wrong in our life.
What we need to accept in life is that, it is completely normal to embrace our failures. It breaks the hard shell, the facade that we have built to make ourselves feel better and the weight that we had been carrying around on our shoulders for so long.
Life would be less complicated if we accept the fact that it’s never going to be easy.


Into the Wild

“Into the Wild”, based on a true story is a film adaptation of a book by Jon Krakauer with the same title that revolves around a bright college graduate Christopher McCandless, who defies society’s conventions by secluding himself in the extreme weather conditions of Alaska in order to achieve inner satisfaction and to find the meaning of life, freeing himself from the incarceration of the civilization.

The film is a cinematic beauty with an uncanny feel to it, from the beauty of ‘aerial shots’ of the Alaskan landscape, travel hodge-podge to the alluring melodies of Eddie Vedder’s solos. The effect is somewhat mystical like it’s some kind of a 60s’ hippie movie.

In this thought-provoking film, director Sean Penn has portrayed the protagonist as a man who rejects what he sees as materialism in a modern world, by leaving his upper-middle-class suburban lifestyle, abandoning his car and other belongings and setting off on an adventure in search of ‘real’ happiness and freedom.

He abandons the society in search of ultimate truth, to fill the hollow chasm in his heart with joy and to unravel the mysteries of mother-nature but realizes the hard way that “Happiness is only real when shared.” it is not in seclusion, nor is it in living-the-moment but is found in the process of achieving something bigger in life, it is in not in the cars or the clothes that you buy, it is in that pleasure of being capable of ‘giving’.

On his journey of self-discovery, this young nomad changes into a figure of heroism for many people who find comfort in the wilderness. But it is for you to decide after watching the movie if Christopher McCandless was a fearless nomad, a young idealist, or a cynical man who lacked motivation in his life. 

“The Skinny Love Conundrum”

A couple of years ago I was rummaging through YouTube channels in search of ‘new music’ for my somewhat profound-growing-self, exploring new music to feed this curious soul of mine. I was going through a phase of an existential crisis, questioning my motives of living. There was an unending feud going on within me from questions to confusions and life decisions, it was then that I stumbled upon a few songs including Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love” which was a completely different genre for me back then when I was a dedicated ‘Metal’ fan. Indie Folk was a whole new world for me, from the profound meanings behind the songs, the thought provoking lyrics, idyllically inexplicable album art and the amazingly ‘eargasmic’ tunes.

“Skinny Love” came out in 2007 as a single from Bon Iver’s debut album For Emma, Forever Ago. There had been many assumptions since then on what the song is about, trying to clarify the meaning behind it but music is a not your typical math problem, it is a form of art that can be interpreted in a thousand ways.

Justin Vernon, who also wrote the lyrics of the song, has an unparalleled euphonious voice that is an elixir to your ears and soul. He has a rather sugary Irish touch in his voice that keeps you enthralled throughout the song.

The song centers on how the ghosts of the past can be haunting for the future, you are somewhat stuck in a limbo of fear and uncertainties to fall in love all over again. Vernon seems unable to move forward after going through the misery of love. However it can also be derived from the lyrics “I tell my love to wreck it all/Cut out all the ropes and let me fall” that this is a song about desolation in love yet Vernon is yearning for affection, wishing to live in the moment and let himself fall all over again in the bittersweet taste of love.

The title itself interprets that the lovers/friends are tied by a knot that is too frail to last long and the love they share is too ‘skinny’ to survive and is on the verge of dying. The line “Come on, skinny love, just last the year/Pour a little salt you were never here” defines that the relationship between these two people is fading away but they are still trying hard to figure a way out, to make it last forever.

Skinny Love for me was not a just another song but an epiphany that made me realize there’s more to life than just surviving it. It gave me a different perspective on life when I was torn between the world of illusions and reality.

I recommend this song to all the oddly beautiful souls out there who are always petrified to start anew and live in the fear of making the same mistakes again and again. 

If I ever start writing a novella. This is how it would go.

It was an evening of 1990; she was frantically running around like an untethered sheep gone astray from its flock, bumping into people she didn’t know. It was raining like it never rained before, bringing down all the dirt and filth of the city, with it came her pride that she had been guarding all her life, wearing it like an armor of steel that could somehow protect her from the world. All in vain, for now she felt naked, people stared at her while the blood was dripping from her clothes. She ran towards the hospital, ignoring all the eyes that were on her… 
To be continued.


The Head & The Heart.

Brain: ‘I can’t take it anymore! I have told you I don’t get along with that brittle heart of yours. Why wouldn’t you listen to me? ‘

The Heart: ‘Tell your mind I am not interested in its verdict. It has always been an endless feud between us anyway.’

We were fighting again, like always. I don’t know how we managed to be together all this time. But we didn’t have much of a choice; we had to bear each other.

I simply don’t understand human race. I completely bewilder myself. Humans mourn over little things, shed tears over loss of money but become insensitive at loss of honor, which simply baffles me. I try to be logical, always. But the heart wins in the end with its absurd motives. It annoys me.

People say I don’t help them when they need me, they say I am selfish. But how am I not when they themselves are inhumane? I never get to rest. I sweat over little issues all day but in the end I don’t even get to sit in tranquility.

Humans are blessed with a marvel like me but they are always ungrateful. Ah, blessings frittered away on the ingrates! Humans don’t even bother to utilize me, they just think too much but never implement on things.

At ungodly hours at night there is a feud going on between me and the heart, I always lose because humans are emotional creatures with a little sense of pragmatism. But they always end up whining later and ruining my peace. Oh, how I wish I could flee from this incarceration.

Who is Tyler Durden?

Who is Tyler Durden? Is it the monster that you created like Dr. Jekyll created Mr. Hyde in “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” or is it just a character of Fight Club? What pushed him to a level of anarchy and self-destruction?

Society? Yes, society and its endless derision in the form of social ills.

Tyler Durden is within us all, the unwanted inner child that grows out ugly. The product of a bizarre society that is willing to spend a million on Liposuction than spending a penny on the people who are left with carcasses as their bodies. A nation that fights against hunger, poverty and education but cannot find a cure for the diseases they spread like Consumerism, Hedonism and Materialism that are ravaging their souls every second.

They are turning into a pile of ‘compost’ as the narrator would say.

Who is Tyler Durden?

Tyler Durden is your alter ego. He is the sense of frustration within us, our own sense of penitence. He is not your typical hedonistic-fu**er-of-a-self. He is the Mother Teresa of your generation.

He is not just a character from “Fight Club”, a book that you would read and forget over time. Tyler Durden is the symbol of humanity that has been created to eliminate the space monkey-ness, to introduce a little anarchy in the ‘social order’. He is the ideal of a society to eliminate outbreak of consumerism, Capitalism and hedonism.

He is the symbol of freedom and individuality.  

Tyler Durden is your savior and the Fight Club is your haven.


//What seems like an impasse can actually be a beginning. If we have survived through the storm, we can make it to the dawn through the darkest hours of the night. If we have not given up for this long, we can go on forever. We’ll find our way out of this; this endless tunnel that we think has no way out. Because there is nothing like greater pain, there is nothing like a bad war. Wars are wars. The endless feud within us have an end too. Because there is always sunshine after the storm and that the flowers bloom on graves too. There is nothing that we cannot survive, if we have made it this far we can make it through this. We can get through this. 🌼

If I ever die in a plane crash this is how I would feel. Probably.

To whom it may concern,
Had I known I would die this way, I would have at least written a will but I own nothing, except for a DSLR worth $1500 and a sack full of memories, which I don’t have enough time to unearth now, I am afraid. I am on a plane which has deviated from the regular path because of a technical fault and this might be the end of me. God knows what will happen in a few moments, I may survive but if I don’t, I hope this letter finds you.

I can’t tell you how I feel right now, it’s like all your life you are afraid of dying and when you are nose to nose with death, that fear vanishes and you get this feeling of tranquility. You embrace it, with arms wide open. Your whole life just flashes back like some kind of a foreign movie without the subtitles, that you hardly understand.

All my life I had been searching for a motive to live, I wish I had the choice of going back in time so that I could make things better.

God can be so cruel at times.

If only I survive, if only I get the last chance….

Love from above the ocean,

The last one.


Have you ever wondered how monotonous our lives are, the dreary nine-to-five jobs that we don’t even like? Don’t you ever feel like running away from all this monotony? Don’t you?
Most of us would surrender to this monotony, live a life that is well thought-out and keep on doing the same things we do every day. We get so used to this lifestyle that we think we have achieved everything in life.

We are all victims of bigotry, Ignorance, gender discrimination, religious wars, racism, sexism and all the ills of the society that we gradually accept these as part of our lives, we do not fight against them we don’t even budge to make a difference.

Between work-life troubles, family issues and the thirst of getting good grades, we tend to forget to live our lives. We tend to forget that there is a whole universe out there, from tiny exotic plants to the ravenous beasts, from the beauty of a delicate jellyfish to the enormity of massive mountains and from the immaculate beauty of the moon to the shimmering void of the stars.

If we look at our lives we feel like it is an incarceration with endless restrictions. We are controlled by the norms of the society, we have religious and ethnic restrictions, and we are controlled by our own emotions and trapped in our own egotism.

In order to perform our social ‘responsibilities’, we grow out of our dreams and the irresistible impulse to wander off in the wilderness eventually fades away. Even if we are not satisfied with our tedious lives we still go on because taking risks seem like a draconian task and not a passion, we get so used to the conformity that we never try to explore ourselves.

Now is the time, go look for ‘yourself’ in the wilderness, discern the unheard stories of the forest, and unravel the mysteries of the world!


Note: The picture was taken in Astore, North Pakistan. (June, 2016)