Rants of a Birthday Girl

I never really had an answer for ‘what do you want for your birthday?’ And ‘how would you like to celebrate it?’ type of questions. I mean, would it be weird if i said may be i don’t want to go out and celebrate it. May be i just want to sit on a bench in a park and talk about metaphysics. May be i want to talk about the mysterious ways of how the world is changing every day. How religion has become a boundary for those of who want to question the existence of humans and a God.
May be i want to spend it watching a mechanic fix my car on my birthday. May be I don’t want the forced ‘HBDs’ on my wall and rather a random unexpected ‘hello’ in my inbox on a normal Sunday.
May be i would want to spend it watching a random kid’s face lit up who i gave my iced-tea to. And the way he sat in a corner and drank it. Not a care in the world.
May be that’s how i would want to spend my birthday. Just being there with a friend scribbling in a journal and watching the sky change colors from pink to gray, then into a pitch black.


Into the Wild

“Into the Wild”, based on a true story is a film adaptation of a book by Jon Krakauer with the same title that revolves around a bright college graduate Christopher McCandless, who defies society’s conventions by secluding himself in the extreme weather conditions of Alaska in order to achieve inner satisfaction and to find the meaning of life, freeing himself from the incarceration of the civilization.

The film is a cinematic beauty with an uncanny feel to it, from the beauty of ‘aerial shots’ of the Alaskan landscape, travel hodge-podge to the alluring melodies of Eddie Vedder’s solos. The effect is somewhat mystical like it’s some kind of a 60s’ hippie movie.

In this thought-provoking film, director Sean Penn has portrayed the protagonist as a man who rejects what he sees as materialism in a modern world, by leaving his upper-middle-class suburban lifestyle, abandoning his car and other belongings and setting off on an adventure in search of ‘real’ happiness and freedom.

He abandons the society in search of ultimate truth, to fill the hollow chasm in his heart with joy and to unravel the mysteries of mother-nature but realizes the hard way that “Happiness is only real when shared.” it is not in seclusion, nor is it in living-the-moment but is found in the process of achieving something bigger in life, it is in not in the cars or the clothes that you buy, it is in that pleasure of being capable of ‘giving’.

On his journey of self-discovery, this young nomad changes into a figure of heroism for many people who find comfort in the wilderness. But it is for you to decide after watching the movie if Christopher McCandless was a fearless nomad, a young idealist, or a cynical man who lacked motivation in his life. 

The Head & The Heart.

Brain: ‘I can’t take it anymore! I have told you I don’t get along with that brittle heart of yours. Why wouldn’t you listen to me? ‘

The Heart: ‘Tell your mind I am not interested in its verdict. It has always been an endless feud between us anyway.’

We were fighting again, like always. I don’t know how we managed to be together all this time. But we didn’t have much of a choice; we had to bear each other.

I simply don’t understand human race. I completely bewilder myself. Humans mourn over little things, shed tears over loss of money but become insensitive at loss of honor, which simply baffles me. I try to be logical, always. But the heart wins in the end with its absurd motives. It annoys me.

People say I don’t help them when they need me, they say I am selfish. But how am I not when they themselves are inhumane? I never get to rest. I sweat over little issues all day but in the end I don’t even get to sit in tranquility.

Humans are blessed with a marvel like me but they are always ungrateful. Ah, blessings frittered away on the ingrates! Humans don’t even bother to utilize me, they just think too much but never implement on things.

At ungodly hours at night there is a feud going on between me and the heart, I always lose because humans are emotional creatures with a little sense of pragmatism. But they always end up whining later and ruining my peace. Oh, how I wish I could flee from this incarceration.

Who is Tyler Durden?

Who is Tyler Durden? Is it the monster that you created like Dr. Jekyll created Mr. Hyde in “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” or is it just a character of Fight Club? What pushed him to a level of anarchy and self-destruction?

Society? Yes, society and its endless derision in the form of social ills.

Tyler Durden is within us all, the unwanted inner child that grows out ugly. The product of a bizarre society that is willing to spend a million on Liposuction than spending a penny on the people who are left with carcasses as their bodies. A nation that fights against hunger, poverty and education but cannot find a cure for the diseases they spread like Consumerism, Hedonism and Materialism that are ravaging their souls every second.

They are turning into a pile of ‘compost’ as the narrator would say.

Who is Tyler Durden?

Tyler Durden is your alter ego. He is the sense of frustration within us, our own sense of penitence. He is not your typical hedonistic-fu**er-of-a-self. He is the Mother Teresa of your generation.

He is not just a character from “Fight Club”, a book that you would read and forget over time. Tyler Durden is the symbol of humanity that has been created to eliminate the space monkey-ness, to introduce a little anarchy in the ‘social order’. He is the ideal of a society to eliminate outbreak of consumerism, Capitalism and hedonism.

He is the symbol of freedom and individuality.  

Tyler Durden is your savior and the Fight Club is your haven.


//What seems like an impasse can actually be a beginning. If we have survived through the storm, we can make it to the dawn through the darkest hours of the night. If we have not given up for this long, we can go on forever. We’ll find our way out of this; this endless tunnel that we think has no way out. Because there is nothing like greater pain, there is nothing like a bad war. Wars are wars. The endless feud within us have an end too. Because there is always sunshine after the storm and that the flowers bloom on graves too. There is nothing that we cannot survive, if we have made it this far we can make it through this. We can get through this. 🌼


Have you ever wondered how monotonous our lives are, the dreary nine-to-five jobs that we don’t even like? Don’t you ever feel like running away from all this monotony? Don’t you?
Most of us would surrender to this monotony, live a life that is well thought-out and keep on doing the same things we do every day. We get so used to this lifestyle that we think we have achieved everything in life.

We are all victims of bigotry, Ignorance, gender discrimination, religious wars, racism, sexism and all the ills of the society that we gradually accept these as part of our lives, we do not fight against them we don’t even budge to make a difference.

Between work-life troubles, family issues and the thirst of getting good grades, we tend to forget to live our lives. We tend to forget that there is a whole universe out there, from tiny exotic plants to the ravenous beasts, from the beauty of a delicate jellyfish to the enormity of massive mountains and from the immaculate beauty of the moon to the shimmering void of the stars.

If we look at our lives we feel like it is an incarceration with endless restrictions. We are controlled by the norms of the society, we have religious and ethnic restrictions, and we are controlled by our own emotions and trapped in our own egotism.

In order to perform our social ‘responsibilities’, we grow out of our dreams and the irresistible impulse to wander off in the wilderness eventually fades away. Even if we are not satisfied with our tedious lives we still go on because taking risks seem like a draconian task and not a passion, we get so used to the conformity that we never try to explore ourselves.

Now is the time, go look for ‘yourself’ in the wilderness, discern the unheard stories of the forest, and unravel the mysteries of the world!


Note: The picture was taken in Astore, North Pakistan. (June, 2016)